New Years Eve 2014… Is Breaking Up Hard To Do?
I was excited, happy… I was in love, I had been seeing the most amazing man for the past 6 months. We just clicked! I felt this incredible peacefulness with this man. So here I was looking forward to spending this beautiful beginning to a new year with him.
Then I got this call early in the morning….. I don’t want to be in a relationship anymore. I need space…. I need time to process more my about my ex….. it goes on yes, his stuff, his baggage but wow. Wow what do you do? What did I do?
- I could have easily gone down the path of “what did I do?
- Was I not good enough, thin enough, healthy enough? “
- Of course I felt the sadness.
- I felt the hurt, felt the loss…. May have shed a tear or two…..
And I then I sat with it for a while. Even laughed at the irony. All I wanted was a new Year’s date with the one I loved and I couldn’t even get that … so I even got a little angry at that one. What was the universe/God force doing to me….
I loved this man and only really truly wanted the best for him. I let that sink in for a while.
Yes then I choose love for him and the situation he was going through. I know how hard it was for him to tell me this. NYE is only one day… one day…. But it still felt wrong….hard and sad.
So what next. …. I called my brother…. My trusted friend and coach.
Putting myself in his shoes helped me get clarity. And yes it sucks for me but does it really?? Now I had time to begin again as we do EVERY year AND every day. We begin again. How exciting to throw open windows after doors are shut and have new opportunities for growth in our lives. There are no wrong turns, no should haves, no I wish I hadn’t done that….Today there is no anger, no fear, no anxiety as to what’s around the corner. I have had an amazing journey with this man and count my blessings. I was open to love… ALL IN…. not piece meal, not afraid because it could end, no I opened myself. I was me and my authentic self, in all my glory. I was not afraid to love and LOVE big.
But when it was over it was over. I was not his girl and therefore…… he was NOT my guy. I am not angry, yes I am sad and will allow myself to feel that. Cry a little….. Watch sad and sappy movies, listen to some break up songs… for a few days, but then…..open my heart to love again. Heal…. Forgive….. and keep saying THANK YOU…. And begin again. I pray for him, his family and only wish him the very best. And know in my heart that I will find “my guy” soon enough.